Have you ever had a massage on a raft, two hundred metres off shore, while gentle waves lapped and slapped against the bamboo and a light breeze skipped through the calico curtains, fluttering and flirting against your bare skin, while the knots were kneaded from your back and shoulders? Beneath your face is a peephole through bed and bamboo to allow you to watch Nemo and Dorey flicker past. It is blissful, and well worth the effort of a dawn start, a plane, a minivan and a boat to El Rio Y Mar.
“…The perfect haven for those seeking an escape from the urban jungle,” says the website. “Nestled in a beautiful tranquil bay with a breathtaking view of calm waters and rolling hills, the resort offers the perfect ambiance for romantic getaways.”
And a romantic getaway is just what we had in mind! We had been anticipating it for 
months. It was supposed to have been an anniversary trip in March, but we had never quite managed to get ourselves organized. We finally found a break in busy schedules in early December, just in time to celebrate the birthday of my One & Only. So there we were, slipping out of Manila at the crack of dawn, and giggling all the way to the airport like a couple of teenagers wagging school.
A small prop plane flew us to a remote air strip on Busuanga, buzzing all the way like an angry hornet. We were met with a tiny minivan designed for Hobbits and squeezed in for the half hour trip to the river, where we found a flat-bottomed boat waiting at the quay. Chugging down river between walls of mangroves bowing obsequiously, I felt as if we were aboard the African Queen. Eventually the river opened out onto a broad bay, and we could see our resort lying quietly unassuming at the foot of a dome shaped hill.
A gathering of staff members and a guitar player greeted us on the jetty, singing and clapping their welcome song. The One & Only was flinching with embarrassment, but for once I could do nothing but smile. We were presented with bright red mocktails and escorted down the jetty to our room at the far end of the sandy white beach.
Our room was a delight. With a bedroom – and shower – looking out over the water that lay only a few metres from the door, it was cool and clean, well-finished and fresh, and accessorized with handfuls of red and apricot hibiscuses scattered around the bathroom and daintily arranged on the quilt.
On our first morning, waking just after sunrise, we were escorted up the hill behind the 
resort. We clambered cautiously, gasping and wheezing up the rocky, almost vertical path, the sweat pouring into our eyes, while our guide, shod only in flip flops, leapt ahead like a mountain goat, not even breathing deeply. Fortunately the views from the top were well worth the mammoth effort. Completely removed from motorways and shopping malls, concrete and cranes, the views to every horizon displayed only beaches and rivers, seas and lush green hills, with barely any sight of human habitation, besides a small barangay on the river bank below.
Our days were lazy and sleepy and blissful. The One & Only went snorkelling with the numerous varieties of fish circling the end of the jetty, but I prefer my fish on a plate and had a good enough view watching them over the edge of the railing, and listening to the thud-thud-thud of small outriggers, like pond skaters, skimming over the waves. Later we snoozed beside the pretty infinity pool fringed with hibiscus, and indulged ourselves at the spa with facials and foot massages.
As the sun set in a peachy pink haze we rose from our veranda and wandered along the jetty for a Gin & Tonic at the Port Caltom Reef Bar, delighted with an extravagant display of stars splashed across the evening sky. Dinner was served at our own small table on the beach, lit with three small oil lamps and only feet from the sea. Digging our toes into the sand, we chatted and nibbled peacefully, listening to the waves lapping softly, like the world breathing.
It was an utterly simple and really special weekend away. The staff was delightful and gently unobtrusive: we were greeted warmly at every turn, but never fussed over unless we asked. The chef was spectacular, turning out quality, fresh food at every meal, whether we ordered Nasi Goreng, Pancit Canton or pizza – or the best crispy chips I’ve had in a long time – and all at reasonable prices. And the special surprise they arranged for the Birthday Boy was really touching: a cheesecake iced in blue writing, while the staff, two guitarists (and the Birthday Boy’s gorgeous wife) serenaded him with the Happy Birthday song…
Check out the website if you would like to share a little bit of heaven: http://www.elrioymar.com/index.html